On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
