i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
