Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
