I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
