idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
