i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
50% drunk capacity currently
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
