I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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