you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
