Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
