We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
