I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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