Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
