i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
