After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
