saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
