rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
