i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
