It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
