my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
