Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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