i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
