There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
