I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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