Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
