if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
