ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
