he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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