Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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