GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
