just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
