you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
