I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
