She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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