i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
