This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
