I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
