You smell like a Billy Joel song
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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