Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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