my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
