I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
