I hate all girls vehemently.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
