FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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