Only a mothe r could love this liver
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
