He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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