btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
