Need sex. Gaining weight.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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