Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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