I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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