i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
