Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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