I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
