I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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