well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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