I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
