and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
