I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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