Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
