we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
